Banned Books Week

What Now?

I'm scared. I just started my senior year with 9 months to go until graduation...however, my hours at work have been reduced, I picked up another job tutoring which will hopefully offset the cost...I am in a fair amount of credit card debt that no amount of throwing money at seems to diminish (thank you ridiculous APR's)...I'm nervous that with the huge economic crisis, things will get a lot worse. I just don't know what the hell to do.

I hope I can finish school.

5 more minutes mom...

Oh yeah...it's the first day of my SENIOR year of college. Holy mother of crap. I'm all dressed up ready for my first day as a TA and ready to learn if I have an ice chip's chance in hell of succeeding at this education thing.

I'm nervous, there is no denying this fact.

However, I'm hooking back up with my NON-band friends, the Ed kids and our weekly trip to Bdubs is starting back up. After our education class last year (4-6:20), we'd all head up to Bdubs to bitch, complain, make fun of people and generally enjoy Happy Hour. It was my weekly catharsis and I think the lack of it this summer made me sad. However, it is once again time to rock it. So let's do it.

I just hope I can...

Another Job

I finally took matters into my own hands in March and applied to become an online tutor for Tutor.com. There are days I enjoy the job I'm at now, but I needed something to give me practice in my field and wanted to do something I enjoy! Finally, after 6 months of being placed on a waiting list, several tests, lots of paperwork and a mock session later, I'm working for the company. This should prove to be a highly interesting experience.

Saturday Workness

Today is our first big rival game against Miami (OH) for the Victory Bell. It's also high school band day which means 1,000 high school kids will be running around campus as we try to execute a mass band rehearsal and get everyone to play the same songs. I love band. (Sarcasm.)

So, off to work though on days like this, I'm pleased to get paid to watch the game. ;-)

On the brightside, my new quest to improve my social life has been going well. I went to band Monte Carlo Night (even though it's run by the fraternity and sorority and I vowed not to go NEAR these events as an alumni) to play dealer, then convinced not only myself and my boyfriend, but a large group of other people to gather intimately at a friend's house to partake in adult beverages. This was great. Now I'm encouraging other people to hang out with me as well!

Damn Mold Spores.

School creeps ever closer and things begin getting crazy around here! Band is now in full swing so naturally life is chaotic as ever. We have three rehearsals this week that I attend in addition to my responsibilities in the office. I've become a little bit of an automaton regarding a lot of the work around here so it's easy, but it doesn't challenge me enough to make it rewarding. The paycheck is the reward I suppose!

I've been making a huge effort to spend time with my friends that I neglected all Summer long. The hurricane caused mass power outages around the area in Cincinnati so I rescued Heather from her tiny dark apartment on Monday night, and we had a sleepover-esque type evening. Last night even though I was tired, I made myself go over to Big Red to hang out with my boys and watch some ESPN. Beer was flowing and good times were had by all. I really enjoyed it and find I just need a little push to do the social things.

Today, the allergies are HORRIBLE and I'm going home to take a nap prior to rehearsal.

Wow, my life is incredibly boring yet busy. How is this possible?

Home Again It's True

So I was all worried for nothing and figured out what to wear. :-)

The four days at home were all I could have asked for and more. Rob and I left late afternoon on Thursday night and arrived just before Mom was ready for bed. We chatted and went to bed ourselves since we had to be up early to go to the high school. Poor Robbie was such a trooper; he woke up at 6 AM just for me (a time neither us see often being in college...) and in the pouring rain (thank you, Ike) went over to Ross High School. After signing in, we weren't there very long because there were only a few choice people I cared to see. He met PSR after the early bird jazz band rehearsal and also met my old musical director, my old science teacher/friend from the community theater and my senior English teacher. It was so good to catch up and seeing some of them was a bit difficult because as I prepare myself to teach, I get choked up thinking of their influence. Cheesy, I know. That afternoon, we visited with grandparents, and Mom even took the second half of the day off to spend with us. We went to the local bar, The Depot with my aunt and uncle for pizza, beer, and ridiculous conversation. As I get older and more "legal", my family has started to share their own stories of drunken ridiculousness from their youth (or even yesterday for my aunt, it's one and the same sometimes) and spent the rest of the evening at their house visiting with my cousins who get more grown up by the day. I used to change their diapers and put them in time-out; now, they are young men ready to enter the middle school and high school. No more cuddle time, unfortunately.

Saturday, my mom took us to BG to visit my sister and see her new house. We went shopping and to Jed's for lunch. Saturday night was time spent with my father at his house eating DELICIOUS food (I get all cooking talents from this man) and watching poor OSU get their butts handed to them on a platter by USC. Heartbreaking to say the very least. Sunday was just being lazy, and then we left this morning to come home to what appeared to be hurricane-like damage. Last night, Cincinnati had a wind advisory which can be dangerous for anyone, but for our town of many hills, is a spell for diaster. Cincinnati is not a well-prepared city even for an inch of snow (the city pretty much shuts down) but for wind whipping 80 MPH at houses perched on cliffs like the ones across from my new house, the damage is apparently great. We received text after text from friends back home telling us about roofs flying off or lines and trees down in the street. Apparently, my own street was blocked off late last night and no one could enter or leave. 500,000 people are without power today (luckily, I live near exactly 8 hospitals), many roads are closed or blocked off and Hamilton County has been put in an emergency state, everyone is asked to stay at home if they absolutely can. My heart goes out to Houston and anyone effected by the hurricane, but from my small point of view, this is nuts!

Anywho...that's all the update I can muster; I'm absolutely exhausted and need to do laundry.

Clothing Crisis

I'm having the great clothing crisis of 2008. I'm going home tomorrow night for 4 days to visit with my family and bringing Robbie with me. I'm also taking him to meet some old high school teachers of mine. As the days grew closer to us leaving, the more anxious I started getting. I'm making this into a bigger deal than when he even met my parents. Any one who knows me, however, can attest to the relationship I had with a select few of my teachers growing up. He's going to meet the people who molded me into the academic and personal mindset I am today. Essentially, these people were extra parents, they watched me cry, watched me fail, watched me pick myself back up again and the cycle would continue on. They hugged me, supported me, encouraged me, taught me life lessons I'll never forget. They spent more extra time and energy on me than I could ever have asked even my parents to give then sent me into the world with a pat on the back and a "go get 'em" attitude. I've been fairly successful and kept close relationships with them, particularly the man I still call "mentor" and now "dear friend". The last time I saw him was over a year ago when he had a brain aneurysm and I drove 600 miles roundtrip to hold his unconcious hand in the hospital. One month later I drove back to see him alive and stronger than ever in his home up north. All I've ever wanted to do was be successful not only for my self but for him and the others who predicted great things from me. I guess I'm just afraid they'll not like Rob or disapprove of him which is a completely unrational fear. But, like my father and step-father, they've always been highly critical of the people I've dated and when they found out a past boyfriend and former student of theirs had cheated on me, you would have thought he'd murdered someone...they were that angry. Showing Rob part of a life that was and still is so important to me and showing them the same is just so agitating for me. The old and the new will unite, stare each other down and decide if I am spending or spent my time wisely. In some ways, the event will be epic.

And, I have nothing to wear.

Obama-rama

I had an interesting discussion with two acquaintances of mine the other day...now when I say "discussion", this usually is more like a one-sided air attack with gang-up missiles. But, out of the passion that has been sparked by politics of late, I couldn't help but to engage this attack. They both leaned on my desk asking me "Why? Why Obama?" and of course the answer I gave them was insufficient: "Because I believe the prioritized values I hold run closer to Obama and the Democrats rather than the other side."

I'm 22 years old and often that number gets you into trouble with your elders. They don't believe your experience or knowledge matches up to theirs by any stretch of the imagination and even though my answer seemed well-phrased and intelectually sound, they needed specific proof. So without further ado, my Top 5 prioritized list:

5. Birth Control - I'm sexually active. And while this is obviously a personal issue that is really no one else's business but my own, I have no problem letting other people know (except my father. He needs to believe what he needs to believe...) because I think it's natural and a personal choice people make. I'm young, un-married and in serious collegiate debt which is a bad combination for potential pregnancy debacles. So, I take responsiblity with preventive measures. I go to the gynocologist once a year for a check-up, and I take advantage of my insurance's birth control price. I take it every single day at the same time. I realize the risks and try to minimize them by being responsible with my birth control. And, if the issue should ever arrise, I would want the chance to choose my path. It is an important issue to me personally, therefore, I take it into account with who my alligance aligns with.

4. The environment - While I don't make passionate love to trees, I do care what happens to this planet. I own a recycling bin, I've been walking to work for the past four years, and I say "no thanks" to bags at the store when I can manage it. I'm not perfect, but I do try. I hate that oil prices are so high and our dependance on it is also elevated. I know both candidates care about our environment, but I personally believe Obama's plans are much more functional than McCain's.

3. Washington DC - Our government sucks. It has sucked for at least the past 4 years, and it is the kind of suck that I think only radical change can take on. Both parties need to GET OVER THEMSELVES and actually do something productive for our country. Enough said.

2. Personality - This may be controversial, but I firmly believe a person is made up of half of what they do and half of who they are. Obama hasn't done much in comparison to his opponent. But, I am attracted to personality. The things that make up your living self help choose my friends, help choose who I fall in love with, and help choose my political candidates. We can't know no matter how much speculation is done what our opponent will actually accomplish in office. There is just no way to predicate the future. We have to take their word for it and vote based on the person they show us. And, I am politically attracted to Barack Obama. It's not anyone's fault; it is how my personality aligns with his. How he speaks, how he treats other people, the jokes he makes...they all matter to me. We have to base our vote on what MIGHT be not what WILL be because we just can't know.

1. Education - my field, my passion, what I believe is the foundation for every issue this entire world faces. How we are educated both in school and in our other environments such as home creates people. And people are responsible not necessarily for every world event, but our response to it. Good education creates good people. I want to teach not just because I love English, but because I love people and want to be part of the movement of making the world a better place. Because of this, education needs better resources and better teachers to give the children what they need. The fact that Obama focuses on education more than McCain does is enough of a reason to side with him.

With these five things in mind, I'd be an idiot to go against my natural instinct.

Writer's Block or the Bird Flu?

This is terrible. I've been blogging since 2002, and I apparently had more to say as an angst-filled sophomore in high school than I do as a senior in college. I just don't know what to write about anymore. I love to cook but I don't do it often or well enough to allow others to read about it. I don't have kids so no "mommy-blogging" (which are some of my favorite blogs by the way), I love books and literature (hell, Language Arts in general...geeky.) but do I have enough to say about it all? I think I'll have more to talk about once I start my teaching internships at the end of September, but who knows. I'm also so lazy, I haven't even started to transfer the posts from my old blog to this one. That requires time, and God knows I have NONE of that. I wake up, go to work at the band office (which does produce a few story gems from time to time), come home, make dinner, pass out. Rinse, repeat. I've actually spent time outside of internet time thinking about why I'm such a terrible blogger. I was angry at myself Sunday afternoon as I sat watching television because I couldn't come up with any new ideas to write about on this damn thing.

When did it become such a chore? And if it's such a chore, why do I have this intense desire to keep doing it?

Just go ahead now.

So I'm not dead. And I'm all moved.

The house is so mutha-effing badass I can't even stand it so that improves my mood immensely.

I have canker sores in my mouth from the stress of moving (yes, they are related) and they are conviently located underneath my tongue. This oh-so-delicate membrane has swollen to a much larger size making it difficult to talk.

You can't have your cake and eat it too apparently.

Fall needs to hurry up, it's fuckin' hot here. I hate Cincinnati in the summer more than I hate dry-heaving after a night of heavy drinking. And ironically enough, they both feel the SAME.

I received my teaching assignment for the fall this morning and am about ready to pee myself. Even though I've been taking classes for four years, I feel I have little to no knowledge of how to teach a bunch of kids. And the sad part is, these aren't even "kids", they're young adults with not enough language skills to be admitted to the university full time, they must pass the class in order to move on. I have no problem getting adults to like me; usually they are wrapped around my little finger by the end of the day. Getting kids to like me, however...whole new ball game. I'm afraid a "shit" or "jesus christ" will fall out of my mouth like so much word vomit around them or I'll forget the dress code and wear my beat up sneakers...too much responsibility as an adult, especially a TEACHER.